Friday Coffee with MAP – November 29, 2024

Hello , and welcome to Friday Coffee with MAP!

Yesterday, we celebrated Thanksgiving—a day to reflect upon and cherish all we have to be grateful for. As you enjoy leftovers today, we hope this week’s piece will help you take a moment to consider the possible dark side of gratitude. In a world of “gratitude journals”, gratitude podcasts, gratitude books, and so much more, it can be hard to escape constant reminders of gratitude’s power to overcome negativity. But what if forcing gratitude when we’re feeling low does more harm than good? This week’s article explores the science behind this idea and offers a thoughtful path forward—one you may find yourself truly grateful for down the road.

Happy reading!

“The Case for Being Ungrateful”
_{by Elizabeth Bernstein for the The Wall Street Journal}

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Gratitude is a beautiful emotion, yet we’re often overwhelmed by constant reminders of how much we’re supposed to be grateful for. Psychologists are now saying that forcing ourselves to be grateful when we don’t really feel it can be harmful to our mental well-being and our relationships- and make us feel worse in the long run.

Gratefulness needs to be genuine to be effective. Forcing gratitude when it is not naturally present is an avoidance mechanism- it keeps us from having to process tougher emotions.

Pushing ourselves to feel gratitude when it doesn’t come naturally can lead to toxic positivity, guilt, and strained relationships. Psychotherapist Sara Kuburic explains that performative gratitude prevents us from addressing issues honestly, fostering resentment and hindering meaningful change.

Anti-Gratitude Journals: To combat the negative effects of false positivity, people have begun keeping “Anti-Gratitude Journals” to chronicle– and process– the aspects of their lives they are unhappy about. “Its ok to acknowledge the humanness of not being grateful,” one said.

We must recognize that there is a difference between a positive mindset and gratitude. It is healthy to acknowledge what is wrong. Name the emotion, such as anger, resentment or embarrassment– and do not impose false gratitude upon yourself, because it will not work in the long run.
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So tell us: Have you ever felt pressured to feel grateful for something when you were actually struggling with other emotions?

Thank you,

The MAP Team

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