Friday Coffee with MAP – June 13, 2025

"How to Stop Being So Judgy"

Hello , and welcome to Friday Coffee with MAP!

We judge others all the time — often without even realizing it. As this week’s article explores, judgment is often less about the other person and more about our own emotional landscape. Greater reflection on those snap judgments can offer powerful insight into how we perceive ourselves, and put us in better position to understand & address negative self-perception. This week’s piece offers practical steps on helping you address the judgment reflex, making you a happier, more empathetic human being.

Happy reading!

“How to Stop Being So Judgy”
by Jancee Dunn for The New York Times

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We are naturally predisposed to judgment. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we do it. Research shows that upon seeing a new face on the street, our brains can decide whether that person is attractive or trustworthy within one-tenth of a second.

However, it can be healthy to push back on that impulse. Unrestricted judgment of others can reduce your overall empathy, make you less receptive to new perspectives and leave you more prone to reactive responses. Research suggests that the more you judge, the worse you feel.

So how can you curb the inclination to judge?

Notice when you’re judging: To avoid the natural inclination towards judgment, we must be vigilant & intentional about slowing down and catching ourselves. Ask yourself: "why does this matter to me? Is this judgment about the other person, or is it based on how I feel about myself?”

Explore your reaction: Negative judgment of others is a way of self-reassurance. Our judgments mask feelings like envy, which can compel us to bring a person down, or be too harsh to them privately. Understanding this, and taking stock of your judgments, can reveal the parts of us we are most ashamed of– which is the first step in addressing those shortcomings or overcoming those feelings of self-condemnation.

Swap judgment for curiosity and empathy: When you're tempted to judge others, pause and choose curiosity and empathy instead. By asking what someone might be going through, you create space for compassion—and recognize the complexity in others and in yourself.

When you stop judging others, you begin the process of appreciating and understanding– and are able to move through the world in a more productive, empathetic, and joyful way.

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So tell us: Do you often catch yourself rushing to judgement– and is there an instance in your life where you have regretted doing so?

Thank you,

The MAP Team

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